Toyota Too Tough -car parking sensor

Toyota Too Tough

By: John Sammon

Ive got the greatest car in the world. My 1982 Toyota Celica. You talk about your great cars. How great?

Let me give you an example. The clutch started to slip (its a stick shift). But I could still drive the car. I drove that car for another year-and-a-half before the clutch finally went out.

Try that with an American make.

This car has 350,000 miles on it, and is still going. In an age of selfish, shallow, throw-away material possession punks, this car is as tough as nails.

The power steering started to leak under the car. I was told fixing the leak would cost more than the car was worth. Its all banged up and rusted. The mechanic told me to just keep pouring more power steering fluid in. I did this for awhile, but the leak got worse. Then the steering went tough. But I can still steer the car.

I went back to the mechanic and he said, If your power steering unit is separate, not hooked up to anything else, we can just unhook the rubber belt. You can still drive the car. End of leak. End of problem.

He unhooked it. Sure enough, the car now steers like an old truck. But now Im used to it steering that way. And it didnt cost me a dime.

Dont you love a car that when it has a problem, you just unhook the problem. The car is getting simpler. Less things to go wrong.

This car was made before all that computerized crap. You can still work on the car. Even me. Im a dyslexic jerk when it comes to anything mechanical. I cant even screw a screw into a nut without hurting myself. But I can change the spark plugs on this car for a cheapo do-it-yourself tune up.

I love this Toyota, the toughest car ever made. This car to me is like Trigger was to Roy Rogers.

I was gassing up at the gas station. The guy next to me said, pardon me. But did you know your car is rusting out? Theres a hole there."

Yeah, I said. I know.

I envy you, he said. That you dont care.

I later put some tape over the hole.

I should be ashamed of this car, the way it looks. Im not. Let me explain. We live in a phony, false society where showing off is big time. Thus, you buy a car on credit with money you dont have and make payments to a bank on the car, and preen and strut around like you own the car, when its all a big lie. You feel good about yourself because you own a car that you dont own. The bank owns it.

Somebody runs into your car and dents it. And you already start thinking about a new car even though you havent paid for the first car.

Every five years, you have to buy a car, if youre like everybody else.

I DONT HAVE TO. MY CAR WAS PAID FOR BACK IN 1985.

Understand? Its like Im a rebel against the system. Everybody else does it (buys a car), but not me. Its like Im getting away with not paying my taxes.

People say they dont like old things. But they really do. Old things give a sense of permanence, solidity. Toughness and age should count for something. It does. A woman who I had not seen in five years was talking to a friend over the phone, and asked, is he still driving the same car?

Im famous because of my Toyota.

When the plastic door knob broke on the outside, I just hooked up a rope around the window to the latch on the inside. I come to the car, pull on the rope, and the door opens. Easy.

My Toyota also dispenses justice. I go 55 mph in the slow lane on the freeway. That means I hold up speeders, especially ignorant dope smoking truckers named Sparky who are mad at the world and have Confederate flags on their windows.

I love this Toyota. At one time, all four red warning lights were on, brakes, radiator, transmission, something elseand the car sailed along anyway.

Another time, the alternator went out, and I continued up the freeway for forty miles. The car stalled as I pulled into the parking lot of the repair garage. It was easily fixed. The woman receptionist in the repair shop was astonished and said, "we never see these cars in here."

The car had gone five years without a repair.

I want to be a spokesman for Toyota. I think they should put my car and I on display. Title it, The Car Too Tough to Die.

About the Author

John Sammon is the author of two books and writes a weekly humor column you may access at http//Sammonsays.com.